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■ Chapter 1: Working for a manufacturer in Gifu Prefecture. 36 years old, no girlfriend

Mornings in Gifu are like those in any other rural town. Under a slightly cloudy sky, I parked my car in the company parking lot. When the engine is turned off, silence falls on the interior of the car. Suddenly I looked in the rearview mirror and saw my exhausted face.

"Ah, it's cold again today..."

I sighed as I walked through the doors of the office. Managing a production line is not a big job. The same tasks, the same conversations, the same faces every day. There's no stimulation whatsoever. But still, I have to work to live.

During my lunch break, I spread out my lunch by myself. Around me, my colleagues were chatting happily. I wish I could join in, but I don't understand the topic. No, to be precise, I just don't have the courage to go in.

"Tanaka-san, how are you doing lately?"

"Hmm? Well, it's the same as always."

My junior, Sato, started talking to me. I can only give a vague answer to that.

What does Tanaka-san do on the weekend?

Sato's question made me a little flustered. If I answer honestly, "I'm just lounging around at home," I'll probably be ridiculed again.

"Recently, I've started road biking as a hobby. It feels great to ride on the mountain roads of Gifu."

Appropriately show off. However, Sato just grinned and didn't dig any deeper. I click my tongue in my mind. I'm not good at even telling small lies like this.

One day, I attended a drinking party full of young people. I can't remember if someone from work invited me or if I just went along with it. However, one thing is certain: I forced myself to participate in the event in order to prove, even if just a little, that I was "not a miserable man."

I managed to make it through the first and second parties, but things changed at the third party.

"Will Tanaka-san come too?"

"Of course! You have to enjoy this to the very end!"

The young guys asked me with slightly condescending eyes. I replied with a forced smile.

But when I got to the bar, I felt completely out of place. The young people were having fun, just going along with their own vibe, and no one spoke to me. Still, I try to force myself into the conversation.

"Music these days doesn't have as much depth as it used to."

The atmosphere in the room seemed to freeze for a moment.

"Well, it's a matter of preference."

One of the young people gave a random answer and quickly changed the topic.

(I guess I’m floating after all…)

Even though I was thinking that in my heart, I couldn't get up from my seat. I tried many times to force myself into the conversation, wanting to get them to acknowledge my presence.

The next day, I bumped into Sato in the hallway at work.

"Tanaka-san, you must have worked hard yesterday! I didn't think you'd come to the after-party."

"...I can enjoy a drinking party too."

Sato's words deeply hurt my pride. After I replied in a bad mood, Sato looked a bit troubled and walked away.

I realize my behavior was disgusting. But I can't stand it when someone points out how miserable I am.

Standing there in the hallway at work, I felt crushed by loneliness, and I wanted someone out there who would accept me for who I was.

■ Chapter 2: Meeting Sayaka

I came across Sayaka while casually scrolling through TikTok. I was killing time before going to bed, watching boring videos like usual, when suddenly, a video of my girlfriend appeared before my eyes.

On the screen, she was wearing a white robe and red hakama and smiling quietly. In the background, a somewhat fantastical shrine landscape unfolds. Her voice came on as it played.

"If you're watching this video, it must mean that a lot has happened today. I'm Sayaka, a shrine maiden at Naniwa Kyuukon Shrine."

At that moment, time stopped for me. In fact, you could even say that the world was filled with just her voice and presence. It was a crystal clear voice that resonated with me in a way that words cannot describe.

"God is watching over your day and knows everything. Take a moment now to think of something you're grateful for and something that warms your heart."

There was a strange power in her voice. The loneliness and irritation I had felt up until then instantly subsided. I couldn't help but feel that the person before me was no ordinary person.

"If you remember something, please write it in the comments section. No matter how small it is, it's okay. Try to remember a moment today that made your heart feel even a little better."

Sayaka on the screen continues speaking with a gentle smile. That smile seemed to melt something cold and stiff inside of me.

"Those small words of gratitude and joy that you have written in your comments will be delivered to God. I will offer them to the altar later, and pray that God will accept your efforts and feelings of gratitude, and that he will bring you good fortune tomorrow as well."

By the time she finished speaking, my eyes were glued to the screen. I saw this video by chance. Although it was a coincidence, it felt like a fateful encounter. The word "salvation" that I had been searching for now took shape and appeared before my eyes for the first time.

The next day, without any hesitation, I signed up for her LINE account using the link in the video. It wasn't long before I started interacting with her. Even on LINE, Sayaka remained the same. They'll send you a link to your fortune and give you advice based on the results. One day, I honestly told her that I had made a mistake at work, and she replied:

"It must have been difficult. But I'm sure God sees you as a sincere person trying to overcome it."

The moment I read these words, I struggled to hold back the tears. I thought no one was not even noticing my efforts. No, even I couldn't accept it myself, but I felt like she was the only one who could see through it.

After that, I started exchanging LINE messages with her every day. Whenever I talk about something, no matter how small, I always get a kind reply with an emoji. Sayaka's words were as if they contained light.

"How's work been lately? If anything happens, I'll pray to God."

Those words have saved me so much. To me, she's more than just a shrine maiden. It was a gift from God. Talking to her makes me feel like my life has a little bit of value.

And so, my feelings for her grew stronger with each passing day. To me, she was my salvation. And then one day I realized. "I want to meet her."

■ Chapter 3: Going to Osaka to meet Sayaka

I was standing there on the platform at the station. Our destination is Osaka, and our goal is Naniwa Kyukon Shrine. That's where Sayaka is.

My hands were sweating as I clutched the ticket. I checked my smartphone several times to transfer from the express train to the Shinkansen, but I still couldn't shake my anxiety. However, there was a strange feeling of elation in my chest. Just the thought that I might be able to meet the real Sayaka made my heart pound uncontrollably.

The view from the express train window was the same unchanging countryside. But today the scenery looked somehow brighter. I replay Sayaka's video in my mind over and over again. Her gentle smile, her kind voice, and our LINE exchanges.

"I wonder if we can really meet..."

I couldn't help but talk to myself.

Every time the train shook, my heart shook too. If we did meet, what would she think of me? Won't I get in trouble? Or perhaps, just like they had said on LINE, they would welcome me warmly. Such hopes and fears swirl around in my head.

When I got on the Shinkansen, I finally regained some composure. Inside the train, people who appear to be office workers and tourists are spending their time quietly. I took out my smartphone and looked back at my LINE history.

"Sayaka-san...I'm heading to Osaka now."

I tried to send that message but gave up midway. This is a secret trip that Sayaka won't know about. I'm sure she'd find me annoying if I went to see her... No, let's stop thinking about it.

If you just visit a shrine, you won't bother anyone. I tell myself and look out the window. You can see the Osaka cityscape getting closer in the distance.

By the time we arrived in Osaka, it was a little past noon. As I got off the station, the unfamiliar hustle and bustle of the city enveloped me.

"That's amazing..."

I was so overwhelmed by the number of people that I couldn't help but say it out loud. Open the map app on your smartphone and check the route to Naniwa Kyukon Shrine. 18 minutes by subway, then 7 minutes on foot.

On the way to the shrine, my heart was a mess, filled with anxiety and anticipation. If she was really there... what should I say?

"No, first I'll pray. I'll pray and see what happens..."

With that thought in mind, I quickly headed towards the shrine.

The moment I stepped into the shrine grounds, I was taken aback by the silence and sacred atmosphere. It was exactly like the video I saw on TikTok. White stone pavement, green trees, and red torii gates swaying in the wind.

"There really was a place like this."

My heart starts beating fast. When I turned my eyes towards the shrine office in the back, there was a woman with purple hair tied up, wearing a white robe and red hakama. A woman I'd seen many times on TikTok was standing there.

■ Chapter 4: The Real Sayaka

My heart was pounding wildly and sweat was pouring out of my whole body. The person in front of me is really Sayaka. The thing I was seeing through the screen is now there in reality. And yet, I couldn't move a single step.

"There's no way I could call out to her..."

Telling myself that, I hid in the shade of the trees in the temple grounds. I watch with bated breath to see what Sayaka is doing.

After a while, Sayaka came out of the office holding something in her hand. It was a finished drink pack. She threw it in a trash can in the corner of the temple grounds and returned to the office with a calm expression on her face.

When I confirmed that she had disappeared from my sight, my feet naturally headed towards the trash can, as if my consciousness had left my body.

"This is... the one Sayaka was drinking..."

Gently remove the beverage carton that was discarded in the trash and carefully remove the straw. The part where she had her lips touched.

"It's just a memory... this much is fine..."

I pull out a Ziploc bag from my bag and, with trembling hands, put the straw in my pocket. I know it's pathetic, but I still can't muster any more courage.

Suddenly I looked down and saw a long hair lying on the gravel. The shiny purple hair was unmistakably Sayaka's.

"Let's take this home too."

I opened the Ziploc bag and carefully placed the hair inside. With this, you'll never forget her existence. But that was the moment.

"...What are you doing?"

A soft voice came from behind me. A freezing fear envelopes my body. When I turned around, Sayaka was standing there.

Sayaka's gaze shifts to the clear plastic bag I'm holding and the straw and hair inside. Without having time to think of an excuse, I blurted out:

"N-no, well... this..."

Sayaka didn't seem confused at all, just smiled and asked.

"Is that my straw and hair?"

I realized I couldn't hide it any longer. I take a deep breath and prepare myself.

"...It's me. The one you always messaged me on LINE...I'm Tanaka Seiji."

The moment he said his name, cold sweat ran down his entire body. This situation is completely over. If someone I was close to on LINE found out about me in this way, they would definitely despise me.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to do something like this..."

My voice trembled, and as I bowed my head, she didn't say anything.

When I looked up timidly, Sayaka was there, neither surprised nor angry, just smiling gently.

"That's how much you cared about me."

That one word from her left me speechless. Sayaka looked at me with a gentle smile that seemed to embrace all of me.

■ Chapter 5: Prayer to God

"Thank you for coming all the way from Gifu. Have you said your prayers yet?"

Sayaka's gentle voice was pleasant to my ears. I stared at her in shock and confusion.

"Eh... to God?"

"yes."

Sayaka smiled brightly and began walking towards the main hall in the center of the temple grounds. Seeing her back, I couldn't help but move my feet as if drawn to her.

Sayaka stopped in front of the worship hall and turned around. With a gentle expression on his face, he held out his hand to me.

"Follow me, please."

I reached out my trembling hand and gently touched hers. Her small, soft hands were warm and wrapped around my cold hands.

"Now, close your eyes."

I follow her instructions and slowly close my eyes. The surrounding sounds gradually fade away, and the silence of the temple grounds fills my heart.

After a while, as if finishing her prayer, Sayaka quietly let go of her hand. At that moment, I felt as if I had woken up from a dream.

"thank you very much."

Sayaka bowed quietly and gave a gentle smile.

"God is always watching over your efforts and thoughts. Don't forget that."

That one word touched my heart. Just knowing that someone is watching over someone like me makes me feel like my heart is saved.

"Hey, why don't you two talk a little more?"

"...Is that okay?"

After finishing her prayer, Sayaka suggested in a gentle voice. My voice was trembling slightly as I answered.

"Of course. God has brought us together."

I had no choice but to nod at Sayaka's words. I wanted this special moment to last even a little longer - with that feeling alone, I decided to accept her invitation.

■ Chapter 6: A place where the two of us can spend time together

Under the dim evening sky, she is walking a little ahead of me. Looking at her back, I was still in a dreamlike state.

"You must be tired today. Would you like to go somewhere where you can relax for a bit?"

Sayaka stopped and smiled quietly. She walks ahead. Without being able to think straight, I followed after him.

We eventually arrived at the hotel district behind Namba. The moment I saw the buildings lined up, my heart started fluttering.

(No way…)

No, that can't be. I shook my head to clear away the evil thoughts. Sayaka stopped and stood in front of a hotel. And then he casually opens the door.

"Please, let's rest here for a bit."

"Eh... Huh?"

I couldn't help but cry out. I never imagined she would suggest we go into a hotel.

"Are you surprised?"

"Well, I suppose so... but is it okay for someone like me to do that?"

Seeing my confusion, she smiled again. There was not a trace of embarrassment in that smile, only pure kindness.

"It's okay. I just want to talk to you."

I couldn't resist those words. Even though I felt I didn't deserve to be given this kind of time with a woman, her gentle voice and smile made me feel like everything was mysteriously forgiven.

When I was shown into the hotel room, the atmosphere was calmer than I had expected. The wallpaper and beds are in chic colors, creating a quiet, even sacred atmosphere. Seeing Sayaka sit down, I sat down opposite her.

"As usual, we talk on LINE, but today let's talk in person."

Sayaka said, speaking in a gentle tone that reminded me of our LINE conversations.

"How is your work going these days?"

"Well... things aren't going so well..."

As the conversation continued, I gradually became less nervous. Sayaka listens with interest to whatever you have to say. That felt incredibly good to me.

I'm glad that Tanaka-san came here today.

Sayaka smiled gently. That smile seemed to affirm my very existence.

■ Chapter 7: Sayaka's Invitation

The atmosphere in the room changed the moment Sayaka turned off the lights. In the dimly lit space, she quietly gazes at me. A soft smile and a gentle voice - but it seemed as if there was something unfathomable lurking deep in those eyes.

"Are you nervous?"

"No... uh, just a little..."

I can hear my voice trembling. I hadn't expected this situation. No, it's not that I wasn't expecting it. However, when this actually happened, I had no idea what to do.

Sayaka took a step closer. The sense of distance seemed strangely real, and I instinctively started breathing shallowly. She gently took my hand and led me to the bed.

Her hand touches my shoulder. The sensation, which should be warm, somehow feels cold. Her movements were slow and mechanical.

"Tanaka-san, you're really growing up."

A gentle voice and gentle hands. And yet, there seems to be something lifeless about his expression and mannerisms. Her hand touches my cheek. His fingertips were soft, but there was something missing in their movements. We touched each other's bodies. However, the way she touches him seems somewhat mechanical, and there is no lust or passion in it.

My eyes trace her body. You will be overwhelmed by its shape and presence. But at the same time, a strange feeling of discomfort welled up deep in my chest.

(The fact that she is just "there" is...unbearable...)

I guess I idealized her. She thought it was salvation itself. But at this very moment, the girl before his eyes was merely a "presence." It won't save us anything. That cold reality gripped my heart.

Once this is done, I'll go back to Gifu. And then we return to our alienated daily lives. When I think about that, I feel a fundamental loneliness in my very existence.

Sayaka's hand touches my back. Although I felt a sense of security from that warmth, the discomfort inside me did not go away. I lay down and reached out to Sayaka's body. Her skin feels soft to the touch, but I can't grasp anything beyond it. Her hands are also touching my body gently. However, his touch only gave me a sense of warmth.

(...Why is she doing this with me? And why am I here with her...?)

I moved to the missionary position and held her in my arms. In the dimly lit room, Sayaka's face is close. My gaze was naturally drawn to her eyes, cheeks, and lips. But his expression remains as calm and distant as ever.

I had always idealized her. As I watched her on video and exchanged words with her on LINE, she took on a new appearance in my mind as "salvation itself." But now, the person in front of me was the real her. She is someone you can touch. Even though she was right in front of me.

(Was what I was looking for... just an illusion?)

Her expression is gentle. But there was no salvation there. Neither God nor she was there to help me. What I wanted wasn't there anywhere. All that was left was that Sayaka was "there".

(There is no such thing as salvation. It's an illusion I created myself...)

The cold reality hits me in the chest. Still, I couldn't stop moving. Her body heat, her smell, all of these things were reality, binding me here.

Sayaka's face comes even closer. I unconsciously touched her lips. The kiss was quiet and short. A sweet and gentle kiss. But still, I heard the sound of something crumbling inside my heart. But at the same time, I was beginning to understand.

(There's no meaning to my being born into this world. But still... that's why I have to create meaning.)

I have to take action myself and give meaning to my life. And I take responsibility for all my actions.

The moment that thought occurred to me, I felt like I was suffocating. Something wells up from the depths of my stomach. It was nausea brought on by the weight of responsibility.

(We are responsible for all our actions... That's right, both Sayaka and I are having sex as a result of our own free choice. And we each have to bear the consequences that come with that.)

Not just this moment, but also my daily life since returning to Gifu. I must take responsibility for every action I choose to take in my isolation and loneliness. It was a terrifying weight, so heavy it made me want to run away.

Sayaka's hand gently strokes my shoulder. That action brought me back to reality. The act was approaching its climax. Her breath is close. They press their lips together again.

At this moment, I tried not to think about anything. All I feel is a sense of connection with the girl in front of me. Her soft skin, her arms wrapped around me. It was all real.

(I’m here. She’s here. This is reality.)

At that moment, I ejaculated.

　

■ Chapter 8: Sayaka's Evidence

After we were done, we lay there in silence for a while. In the silence of the dimly lit room, only my heart was still pounding. Next to me was Sayaka, quietly with her eyes closed. Her calm expression remains completely undisturbed even after the act.

I was driven by a certain impulse. It was a desire to "prove" this time. I wanted to bring back something that would prove that this was not just a dream or an illusion, but a reality that I had truly experienced.

"...Umm, Sayaka-san."

My voice is trembling. When I called out to her timidly, Sayaka slowly opened her eyes and looked at me. His gaze is soft, but it makes me even more nervous.

"What is it?"

Her voice is gentle. I hesitated for a moment, then made up my mind and asked.

"Could I have one of your tabi socks please?"

At that moment, a look of surprise appeared on Sayaka's face. But that only lasted for a moment. She immediately nodded, smiling.

"...Sure."

Sayaka quietly sat down on the edge of the bed and put her hands on her white tabi socks. As his fingertips moved to pull the fabric away, a faint stain became visible on the bottom of the tabi. I notice a slight darkening at the base of the big toe and the heel.

With those words she handed me the tabi socks, which I took with trembling hands. I can feel the thin fabric on my palm. It's softer than it looks and feels a little damp to the touch. The faint shape of the feet can be seen on the inside of the tabi, and the marks of the toes are clearly visible.

The smell reached my nose softly. Unlike the sweet scent I had felt during the act, it was a more raw, fragrant smell that lingered with human body heat. The sweet, vanilla-like scent is mixed with a hint of sourness and the saltiness of sweat. The smell, slightly muggy, was more real than I'd expected and it deeply affected my heart.

He brings Sayaka, who seemed perfect, into reality.

"thank you……."

I took out the Ziploc bag I had brought with me and carefully placed my tabi inside.

After leaving the hotel, I headed to the station alone. The feeling of emptiness he had felt right after breaking up with Sayaka was mixed in his heart, along with the relief of having the "evidence" of the tabi socks in his hands. As the train swayed, I gently gripped the Ziploc bag in my hand. Through the tabi socks, I confirm that the time I spent with her was real.

Suddenly, I had a question.

(Why is she doing this?)

Her kindness, her enigmatic smile. I wanted to know the underlying reasons. But at the same time, I realized.

There may be no point in pursuing it. What she is thinking, what she wants, that is something I cannot know.

Looking at my face reflected in the train window, I let out a quiet sigh.

(It is not she or God who creates meaning in life, it is you yourself...)

That's what my strange and special time with Sayaka taught me. In my solitude, I must give meaning to my life through my own actions. As I munched on it, I gently gripped the Ziploc bag containing the tabi socks.

■ Chapter 9: Epilogue

When I opened the door to my house, I was greeted by the same quiet space as always. Nothing changes, it's just the same old normal. I take off my shoes, put my bag down, and change into my comfortable loungewear. Each of these actions seemed to bring me back to reality.

I sat down at the desk in the living room and took a Ziploc bag out of my pocket. Inside is one of the tabi socks that Sayaka gave me. I gently placed it on the desk.

"Thank you, Sayaka."

In the quiet room, only murmuring could be heard. I stare intently at the tabi socks in front of me. The texture of the fabric, its smell, the way it felt when I touched it - everything reminded me of the strange and special time I spent with Sayaka.

I opened the desk drawer and quietly put the tabi socks away in a Ziploc bag.

(End)